I’m a slave to the butt.

smokingYes, I am a smoker.  I know, it’s similar to having the plague so don’t get too close.  I have been a smoker since I was a sweet, little, innocent, fifteen year old and I caved to the peer pressure of being “cool”.  I can’t tell you how many times that I have quit over the years, just to continually prove to myself that I have zero will power.  It’s pathetic  to think that I have quit smoking on several occasions for a year or two at a time.  And I can’t even count the gazillion times that I stopped for a week or two here and there.  I started smoking again two years ago and this time it was because I was going through a divorce.  C’mon that’s pretty stressful so it’s completely justifiable right?  Yeah, lame excuse!

Reasons that I really really want to quit:

  • It will kill me, I know it will definitely kill me.
  • It’s expensive!  There are better things I could do with $300+ a month.
  • It smells.  My  hair, clothes, car, house…..everything just smells.
  • It’s dirty.  I know it’s full of nasty shit that I don’t want to even think about.
  • I get bronchitis every winter.
  • I fear getting lung Cancer or Emphysema.
  • I have high blood pressure and fear having a heart attack or stroke.
  • I feel like a hypocrite being a vegetarian and wanting to put only healthy foods in my body yet I pollute it with toxins.

These seem like pretty serious reasons to quit right?  So why can’t I?

Oh right,  because I ENJOY IT!

I guess it’s more that I don’t have any willpower or that I continually say “next week” or “I’ll quit after I get through this traumatic life event” or “I’ll know when I’m finally ready” or a variety of other ridiculous excuses.  I’m tired of being a slave to the butt.  I’m tired of running outside for a smoke break at work in the freezing cold.  I’m tired of hiding it from my boyfriend, who doesn’t smoke, because I’m embarrassed and don’t want him to be disgusted with me.  I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.

But seriously, when does one finally have enough of the excuses and just do it?

Time for a smoke break now.

:::  wandering off feeling defeated  :::

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